Body Language Basics
(instructions: the words in the italics should be read with an Italian accent)
Imagine a waiting room. It is very cozy. I know that nobody fancies waiting rooms, but this text is not about waiting, it is about people sitting down.
Wait, the good stuff is coming. I was just joking.
The squares in the pictures below represent imaginary seats in the (imaginary) waiting room.
Somebody (we’ll call him No1) comes in the waiting room and sits down. Let’s say he sat in the far right (if you are all out of imagination see picture below).
Second person (No2) comes in and takes the middle seat.
Third person (No3) enters the room and sits in the far left.
Why does No2 choose the middle seat?
For the same reason No3 sat in the far left. If No2 sat in the far left it would be too far away and thus No1 would feel rejected. On the other hand, if No2 sat too close it would make No1 feel intimidated. The only way to please No1 was to take the middle seat. Later, when No3 entered the room they divided their sitting area into three equal zones. Everybody got a fair share of the available space.
Personal Space
Man (just like animals) has his own personal portable ‘air bubble’ that he carries around with him and its size is dependent on the density of the population in the place where he grew up. This personal zone distance (or personal space) is culturally determined. Where some cultures, such as the Japanese, are accustomed to crowding, others prefer the ‘wide open spaces’ and like to keep their distance.
How far is too far?
Personal space (radius of the ‘air bubble’) around middle class people living in Australia, New Zealand, England, North America and Canada is generally the same. It can be broken down into four distinct zone distances.
1. Intimate Zone (between 15 and 45 centimeters or 6 to 18 inches) This is the most important zone as a person guards it like its own property. Only those who are emotionally close to that person are permitted to enter it. This includes lovers, parents, spouse, children, close friends and relatives.
2. Personal Zone (between 46 centimeters and 1.22 meters or 18 to 48 inches) This is the distance that we stand from others at cocktail parties, office parties, social functions and friendly gatherings.
3. Social Zone (between 1.22 and 3.6 meters or 4 to 12 feet) We stand at this distance from strangers, the plumber or carpenter doing repairs around our home, the postman, the local shopkeeper, the new employee at work and people whom we do not know very well.
4. Public Zone (over 3.6 meters or 12 feet) Whenever we address a large group of people, this is the comfortable distance at which we choose to stand.
The more intimate our relationship is with other people, the closer we are permitted to move within their zones. For example, a new employee may initially feel that the other staff members are cold towards him, but they are only keeping him at the social zone distance until they know him better. As he becomes better known to the other employees, the territorial distance between him and them decreases until eventually he is permitted to move within their personal zones and, in some cases, their intimate zones.
Crowding at concerts, cinemas, in elevators, trains or buses results in unavoidable intrusion into other people’s intimate zones, and reactions to this invasion are interesting to observe. There is a list of unwritten rules that follow rigidly when in a crowd:
1. You do not to speak to anyone, including a person you know.
2. You avoid eye contact with others at all times.
3. You maintain a ‘poker face’.
4. If you have a book or newspaper, you appear to be deeply engrossed in it.
5. The bigger the crowd, the less the body movement you are permitted to make.
6. In elevators, you are compelled to watch the floor numbers above your head.
If you are interested in this subject, I suggest a great book about body language by Desmond Morris, Peoplewatching
